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Making peace with the things you can’t control

 

What makes you curse your life? What makes you lose your temper? You don’t always know, do you? There are some things that you can control, and there are others that you can’t. The thing about the things that you can’t control… They can get to you, especially if they affect your life in a negative way. Don’t take it out on yourself though! There’s no sense in blaming yourself when there’s nothing else you could have done differently. Take these steps to make peace with the things you can’t control.

Why it happens
It’s human nature to look for something or someone to blame when things go wrong, and we curse ourselves for not doing enough. The problem is, we don’t have a complete picture of what’s actually happening. Often, situations that seem bad or unfair are not as bad as they seem — and our reactions play a part in making them worse (see: When You’re Mad as Hell but There’s No One to Blame).

Why we hate that it happens
No one likes to be disappointed. It’s human nature to want everything in life—from relationships, jobs, and investments—to end up perfectly. Unfortunately, that’s just not how life works. Everyone will experience disappointments in their lives, but there are healthy ways to react to them and unhealthy ways that people often don’t even realize they are doing.

How to stop cursing ourselves
Stop being so hard on yourself. It’s human nature to always want what we don’t have, and life is certainly no exception. At times, it might feel like an impossible dream to have something that another person has. But what makes us different from one another is our perception of reality.

See your mistakes as learning opportunities
I’m not suggesting that we all embrace failure or start a pity party for ourselves. Rather, we need to step back from our mistakes and look at them more objectively. We have to give ourselves a chance to learn from our errors—without giving into despair over every little error along the way. If we don’t give ourselves time to reflect on what went wrong, how will we ever move forward?

When confronted, ask yourself this question?
Is what I’m feeling a result of a decision I made, or is it beyond my ability to decide? If it’s something that happened—like someone broke a promise or stole your wallet—it’s probably not up to you. But if it’s how you feel about something that happened, like being angry about an accident, then it is your choice whether to choose happiness or sadness. You might have done everything in your power and nothing worked out as planned.

Accept that sometimes there is no answer
When life presents a problem that seems unsolvable, it’s often human nature to search for a solution at all costs. But sometimes we need to learn how to stop worrying and just accept that some things are out of our hands—and instead work on understanding why they happened. From there, it’s easier to focus on what we can control and solve problems rather than worry about those that might not have answers.

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